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To Blave

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about great love stories. I think it probably has a little to do with the fact that I recently started reading, became consumed with, and feverishly completed the Twilight books. Reading about that kind of love will do that to you…or at least, it does to me I should say. We’ve watched our share of romantic comedies lately too…and together I think they’ve all just got me thinking about love. New love. Exciting, thrilling, all consuming love. Can’t stop thinking about each other…talking about each other…every little thing takes your mind back to that person. It’s annoying, really. I remember when Hope was so infatuated with Chad as a teenager. She snuck away during our family vacation to call him from a pay phone because she couldn’t stand not to talk to him for like 6 whole days. Every topic of conversation would somehow in someway twist its way back to Chad, like the Kevin Bacon game…we’d be talking about the fish we just caught and she’d remember one time Chad mentioned to her that he had once gone fishing. We’d all roll our eyes…and she would just gaze off into space, no doubt picturing her beloved crush doing something manly and alluring. I think I probably swore to myself that I would never be that way. And I’m sure that inevitably I was when Matt and I were first dating.

It’s been so long ago, I honestly don’t remember. I know that at some point our lives just became so intertwined that we just became, well, a we…an us. Matt&Emily. The pieces of our puzzles just fit together perfectly…naturally. And I could tell you honestly that there is no one in this world who knows me as deeply and truly as Matt does. But our love isn’t exciting, new, or all-consuming. Matt can’t physically be my hero, my knight in shining armor, my Edward Cullen. I think in the midst of my Christmas day snow blowing funk…I sort of lost sight of the love Matt and I really do have. I can’t compare our love to the passionate examples we’re surrounded by in books and movies. And I shouldn’t even try. It’s not real…and I know it. But I think I just got caught up in the romance and felt a little let down that Matt can’t give me those grand gestures anymore…not that he ever wanted to. But knowing that he can’t somehow made me feel like I was missing out.

Stupid, I know. Because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about real love. Not the kind that makes you want to become an animal only bloodsucking vampire so you can live forever as a 19 year old with your beautiful godlike vampire boyfriend. But the kind that makes you feel happy when you come home from work, knowing he is there to greet you. The kind that can communicate an entire conversation with a look, a nudge, and a tiny whisper. The kind that buys you goofy Rocky Balboa t-shirts for your birthday because he knows how much you love those stupid movies. The kind that opens his arms wide to pull you in close and tight when you're frustrated or sad. The kind that encourages you to reach for your goals. The kind that celebrates your victories with a hug and a kiss. The kind that endures disagreements, your irrational moments of rage, your love of strange music, endless ramblings about your hair, your jewelry, your shoes, your new purse. The kind that shows itself in the tiniest ways…the simplest ways…the ways that inevitably turn out to be the most unexpectedly true forms of love. I realize that the love Matt and I share is a great love. It is a great love story, even in our most ordinary ways. It seems simplistic to say that our love has stood the test of time, as though that is a major accomplishment…I mean, shouldn’t ALL love be able to say that? Should true love always endure? Of course it should. Love endures all things. It is biblical. But we all know that love is not just a feeling…it is something you do. And you have to make the love endure. This, I believe, is where a lot of love goes wrong for people. It’s hard to keep the love enduring…for most everyone. Toss in some bumps in the road and often times the love goes to the wayside. For some, it is just too difficult. They’ve lost the reason, the motivation, the desire to keep the love alive…for lack of a better term. And I have no magic solution for this. But thinking about all that Matt and I have endured together…I realize that our love has endured a tremendous amount. We’ve experienced things that no one should have to…things that have torn other loves to pieces. We’ve been to the edge of something horrible and made it back…together.

I’ve said before that our love is impenetrable…unbreakable…that the bond between us was stronger for all we’ve been through. And it’s true. But I think I lost sight of it for a while there. Getting caught up in stories of new and exciting love, I was jealous that those days are long past for Matt and I. And then I realized what the new loves don’t have…love that has stood the test of time and circumstance. Love that has endured. Love that has proven itself. And wow…what a blessing that is.

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