Skip to main content

Not Quite a Dancer, But Still...

As you know, Matt and I love to watch Dancing with the Stars. Of course, if you ask him, he may very well deny it…but as the person who sits across the couch from him each Monday and Tuesday evening, exchanging comments and critiques I can assure you – he does. Generally we blow through a lot of the filler stuff of the results show to get to the bottom two and see who’s going home – but occasionally a dance or musical performance will peak our interest and we’ll keep our finger off the DVR fast forward button for a few extra minutes.
This Tuesday they showcased the story of an up and coming street performer who had been working his way up, when he suffered a sudden and life altering brain hemorrhage. I think I might have held my breath as his wife chronicled what happened to him. The photos and videos of him in rehab – learning to walk, talk, write…all of it struck a chord with us – of course. I couldn’t help but think of our own journey…and our own lack of photographic documentation. I was so concerned about protecting Matt’s dignity, it seemed cruel to take pictures or video. I knew how he would react to seeing it. Somehow it seemed better to shelter him from the gravity of the changes. But now, looking back, part of me wishes I did have more evidence, if you will, of the incredible progress he’s made. I have a couple audio tapes and a few pics from the first Christmas at home and when the boys brought the newly repainted TA back over…but nothing from the hospital. Nothing from the nursing home. Only a small handful in Omaha and a few with his physical therapists. Watching the amazing recovery of this street performer, who emerged to onto the stage to dance the finale with his troupe – I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of…jealousy. Looking at him, I could see he wasn’t 100% steady, and his body wasn’t nearly as limber as it had once been…but there he was, standing, walking, dancing to the music. It was incredibly inspiring, and at the same time a bit depressing.
(Here is a link to the video of the dancer   Steelo's Story)

Matt looked at me and said ‘they don’t know how lucky they are’. While I wanted to agree, and at first I did… but watching the dancer and his wife after the performance – tears of joy and gratitude rolling down their faces, clearly moved by the support of the dancing community…I believe they do know how lucky they are. I wish there was a magic cure for Matt and that he could spring up off the couch and walk over to me in the kitchen with the ease and natural confidence he used to. I wish, I wish, I wish…for so many things to be better. But then I have to remind myself, just how far he has come. I have to remind myself of all the things he CAN and DOES do on a daily basis. I have to remind myself of all the amazing friends and incredibly supportive family we are blessed by. And I have to remind myself that at the end of the day, it is still him and me making our way together. And that is truly a miracle.


Popular posts from this blog

I Was Born in a Small Town

So we’ve decided to move. We love Ankeny, our house, and our neighborhood so it’s a little bittersweet to think about moving, but ever since Ethan came along - oh how things have changed. When we set out to build a wheelchair friendly house for Matt nearly 9 years ago, we were mainly focused on the functionality inside the house. While of course we wanted the ease and function of zero grade entry, we also yearned for the freedom he would know in a house with wider doorways and room to maneuver the bulky chair. In our old house there were literally rooms he never went into, simply because he couldn’t get through. Our Ankeny home was a dream come true in so many ways. And it was lovingly planned out and put together by so many incredibly generous and thoughtful people. We were humbled time and time again with how things came together for us in that house. I’ll never forget coming home for the first time with Matt after our long, exhausting trip back from China. It was late, we were jet …

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…