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Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping...

Happy November!
It's hard to believe that October has come and gone and here we are on the edge of the holiday season. Good grief! Life has been busy and good and really I should focus on that but today, I am feeling a bit... impatient. It's been nearly 6 months since we were officially approved to adopt and while a lot has happened to keep us busy and help pass the time - I can't help but feel the itch to know WHEN will our dream finally come true?
Every family I know who has gone through an adoption journey ended up with a child at some point. None of them gave up and walked away childless. However, somewhere deep down inside, I still carry a little fear that we will. As the waiting family profiles pile up on the website I can't help from checking out the 'competition'...and isn't it terrible to view them as such? It is, I know...but I can't help trying to rationalize how someone might choose us over another. I find myself compartmentalizing the other families. Some have biological children, some have other adopted children, some have none. Some are very young, some are older. Some have stay at home moms, some have acreages, some have pets. How do we stack up? Is anyone contemplating us? The would-be dad in a wheelchair and his goofy wife. I don't know.  And that, these days, is making me a bit bonkers.
So I've started a separate blog, just for potential birth families. It is linked from our web profile and the agency put links in our profile books. It is mostly pictures of stuff we're doing, in the hopes that they can see us... and try and know us better.  To see how we continue to live our lives, not just from the pages in the book, in the hopes it will give them a clearer picture of who we are. It makes me feel like I'm doing something to help - even though I know...I KNOW...none of this really matters.
In the end, it's all out of my control. If and when a baby comes to us, it likely won't be because of my pictures, or clever words, or any of that. It will be because it was the baby meant for us. And I know that when that happens I will fall on my knees in humble gratitude that God would choose this baby for us. I dream of that day. I can almost, almost see it. And yet it feels painfully far out into the future. Who.really.knows? Sigh.
So now we head into November - thinking of all we are thankful for.  I will do my best not to be discouraged, to lose heart. I will do my best to trust that God is still working out the details for our baby. I will do my best to see all the wonderful, amazing blessings in my life and give praise for their abundance. And I will continue to pray for my baby...that he or she would be here soon.
In the meantime - thank you all for the love and support you continue to show us. Our neighborhood fundraiser was incredibly humbling and loving! We are amazed by the acts of kindness shown to us as we continue down our adoption journey. It hasn't been easy - but we are so very thankful to you for sharing in it.

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