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Mission Impossible

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this crazy dream of ours to have a family. (Weird, I know.) Last week, we talked a lot about things, after our first (and now second) official nos. I was feeling defeated…frustrated…and wondered if I was pushing for something that just wasn’t meant to be.
Recently we had a little t-shirt fundraiser for our adoption…and raised over $550! We had loving support from friends and family that was completely unexpected - it meant SO much to us. The t-shirt design says ‘Dare the Impossible’…which can be interpreted in any number of ways; to dare to reach for what seems impossible, to dare believe that the impossible IS possible, to trust that daring is worth doing. 
For us – for me - the significance of this shirt means all the more to me now. 
I have to admit - I feel like I’ve been half in with this whole adoption thing. I found myself praying for God to work out the details and trying to trust Him, but guarding my heart at the same time and preparing to be disappointed. I found it so hard to really believe that this dream would be realized…after so many years of high hopes and bitter disappointments. 
When I was young and wide-eyed I thought we’d have a baby as soon as we wanted. It was a bitter pill to swallow, realizing I couldn’t control this piece of my future. I’ve had to put my hopes and dreams of a child on the back burner for years. I’ve had to hide the pain and tears…the fears and disappointments. I’ve pretended and put on a brave face. I’ve avoided Mother’s Day and Father’s Day events. I’ve hardened my heart to other children. But not anymore. No more.

Of course I can’t know our future – I don’t know how God is going to work out the details of our future child.  What I do know is that I need to un-guard my heart. I need to be all in…come what may. I need to open my heart up completely to this process.  I need to BELIEVE that this dream is in my heart still…nearly 15 years later for a reason. 
I need to Dare the Impossible!!

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