Those who know me, know that math is not my strong suit, not my passion, not even my mildest interest. I really stink at math and pretty much enjoy avoiding it as much as possible in my daily life – much to the chagrin of those with stronger math brains than mine. (My beloved tip cheat sheet always makes me smile and makes Matt roll his eyes.) Just the other day I was playing in a ping pong tourney at work and joked at how hard counting is – particularly when switching sides with your partner and keeping track of whose serve it is etc…doubles ping pong is HARD! (What department do you work in, they asked me?)
Recently I found myself doing some math, surrounding our journey to start a family. Specifically around Phase II of our journey – Phase I was soooo long ago and that sort of math does nothing but frustrate me on all sorts of levels so I try not to go there…much. But, just looking at Phase II, the math is also frustrating. I realized…it’s been 3 YEARS since we decided we wanted to try to have a baby again in earnest. We spent 2 years trying various fertility treatments, experiencing our first, last, and only pregnancy – only to suffer a loss. We tried and tried and tried again…so many times, I lost track (and doing that kind of math is REALLY futile).
It was just over 1 year ago that we decided to step away from trying to achieve pregnancy and focused on hoping to fulfill our dreams of parenthood through adoption. We spent 5 months preparing to be approved and then 6 spent months waiting, waiting, waiting to hear about a match. We hired a consultant and have applied to 3 different agencies (and are preparing to apply to more). We’ve had 4 situations we’ve presented to through these new agencies – and have yet to be chosen. Each potential yes, which resulted in a no, has brought a certain level of heartbreak.
You can see, it gets hard to keep doing this math. So many months, so many years, so many potential situations…and don’t even get me started on trying to add up all the dollars spent. (Also depressing math.) I started to feel myself slipping into a math induced pity party…but then I started to think of other things to add up.
During these past 3 years we have known INNUMERABLE blessings. TOO many to count – which is my kind of math! We have been showered with the amazing love and support of our families, our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers, our church family, and even strangers. We have received cards, calls, texts, e-mails, hugs, prayers, t-shirt donations, cash donations, and adorable flamingos made their way around our neighborhood in our honor.
While I can’t say when, where, or how this journey will end I can say for sure we have been loved throughout this entire journey – beyond measure…beyond math.