Skip to main content

Oh Daddy...

I realize I’ve been writing a lot about how life with Ethan has changed me – how much I have loved becoming a mother – and it occurs to me that I should share a little about Matt as a father.
It should come as no surprise to anyone that Matt and I are both incredibly enamored with Ethan. We are both 100% wrapped around his tiny little finger…happily. We both sit and oogle him, coo at him, talk to him, and absolutely melt when he snuggles into our chests. Becoming parents has been amazing. More…oh so much more than we could have fathomed.
Watching Matt with Ethan moves me in a way that’s hard to describe. I have loved Matt since I was a goofy 16 year old girl, but I can honestly say I’ve never loved him more than I do now – watching him as a daddy to our sweet Ethan. We knew going into this that parenthood would definitely have its challenges for us, given Matt’s disabilities. We knew I’d have to carry more of the weight while Ethan is small. We knew we’d have to find ways to accommodate Matt and make things work with his limitations. We knew Matt would have to stretch past his comfort zone in many ways. Not all that long ago, this would have been too much for Matt. But not now. Not anymore. And friends…it moves me to tears just thinking about it. God has done such amazing things in our lives – and Ethan is just the next shining example.
Yesterday we had our first snow storm. Fridays are Granny Karwoski days to come down and watch Ethan.  The weather was supposed to be worse up her way so we decided I would just work from home and keep everyone off the roads. I wasn’t sure how working from home with Ethan would go…but I can tell you – Daddy stepped up.
Matt absolutely took the lead on caring for Ethan all day yesterday so I could get work done. He played with him, he snuggled (and napped) with him, and he fed him. I helped get him set up for these things, then it was all Daddy and Ethan. Beautiful.
Ethan loves to sprawl out in the pack-n-play. He loves to play with toys, kick, and talk – especially when Daddy is sitting next to him chatting back.  I brought a couple books in from his room and suggested Matt show him the pictures. I didn’t really even expect him to read to him – because I know Matt hates his voice and thinks he sounds terrible. He wasn’t even sure he could show him the books only using one hand…but I showed him how I thought he could make it work. ‘You don’t even have to read the words, Ethan won’t care about the words’, I said. ‘But I care about them’, he replied. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my computer, happy that he was willing to at least try holding the book up for Ethan. And then…he started reading. The book ‘I Love You So’…And truly…I started crying.

‘I love you. How Much? SO much. How much is SO? Way, way more than you know…’
It’s a beautiful book, which I love reading to Ethan…but hearing my dear, sweet, amazing husband reading it to him…priceless.
Ethan lay there kicking, cooing, and smiling…loving every minute that his Daddy read him a story. Matt read with emotion, inflection – to the best of his ability. But all I heard and felt was the love he has for Ethan. No doubt Ethan felt the same way.
Becoming a Daddy has transformed Matt yet again…and it is simply beautiful to witness. I am so blessed to be a part of our sweet little family…what a gift indeed.


Popular posts from this blog

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…