Today I really miss Matt. Not just having him around…but missing the old Matt, and the way things used to be.
I found a cd of pictures in my desk today. Curious to see what they were, I popped it in to my computer. They turned out to be pictures from vacation…which of course was right before Matt’s hemorrhage. And the last pictures we had taken. I remember at the time being so grateful I had such recent and happy pictures of us. We had them around his hospital rooms so that the nurses could see the ‘real’ Matt.
Today they are somewhat bittersweet. I look at those pictures of Matt and sometimes feel like he’s gone. I know that he’s still here, but he’s so different now that it’s almost as though he is a completely different person. I feel selfish for admitting how much I miss my tall husband. How much I miss having a big, strong, guy to take care of me and things around the house. I miss his easy going attitude and adorable smile. I miss coming home from work and having him run up the stairs to greet me with a kiss, and tell me about his day. I miss so much. I know that Matt misses these things as well, and I’m sure even more intensely than I do. I know he wants to be his old self again too. I just pray that he can get more and more of himself back. He’s working so very hard, and I just pray that results keep coming.