Skip to main content

Monday Update: 10/30/06

I realize I haven’t been as good at keeping this blog updated recently. It seems there has been so much going on, and yet it’s not much worth reporting. We’ve had some changes to Matt’s therapy schedule and we’re still trying to work through how to deal with them. We are in the process of looking at our options for continued speech therapy. His therapist told us a few weeks ago that she believes she has reached the end of where she can take Matt in therapy right now. She didn’t really give us much time to really talk about what she was thinking and we sort of felt dumped. It has been a hard pill to swallow for us both. I have spoken to other therapists, and doctors, and we are going to have another therapist meet with us to evaluate Matt’s speech. We will see what she thinks about continuing structured therapy. I will keep everyone posted, as we learn what our next steps will be.

It has been a very stressful couple of weeks, trying to work out the details with my insurance and the doctor who oversees Matt’s care. It is very easy for people to point fingers and say ‘you should do this’ or ‘you should try that’…but no one really has a clue what it’s like to try and set all this stuff up…while trying to work fulltime, maintain a house with pets, and take care of everyone’s needs. It is very difficult, and very stressful. It’s not a burden that anyone can ease for me…but it is hard when often feel that everyone is judging us and our decisions and I feel I’m under constant scrutiny. I always have to have reasons and justifications for everything we do and I find myself on the defense. I’m not trying to make excuses…I’m just trying to do the right thing for us, the right things for Matt, and keep us afloat. All of Matt’s rehab would not be possible if it weren’t for my job…my benefits…my insurance…my flexible work schedule etc. If I didn’t work hard to maintain that job, where would we be? I have to juggle the priorities and make things fit where they can…I hate that work has to be so high up on my list, but it just has to be right now. Unfortunately it may seem like we’re not moving fast enough on things…or we’re waiting too long for others…or we’re not trying everything possible to help him right now…but we are doing the best we can. I wish everyone could see that and realize how hard Matt and I are both working right now. Whether or not you think we are doing things the way you think we should…we are doing the best that we can for us.

Next weekend I am leaving for a business trip for 4 days. I think this pending trip is also causing me to worry. It is a big leap into the unknown for us both. Matt’s dad will be coming to stay with him and help him out around the house. It will be the first time that Matt has been at home without me for an extended period of time, and we are both nervous about it. It is sensitive to have someone else come into your private life and help you out. Even if it’s your dad. I know that they will do just fine, and it will be good for us both…but I know we both have insecurities about it. I ask you to keep us both in your thoughts next week.

On the flip side…Matt is doing well. I have been going with him to his PT sessions the past few weeks, and it has been so rewarding to see. He is working hard with his therapist there and doing well. Thursday he worked on throwing a ball into a small, angled trampoline…if you throw it just right the ball comes back to you. He was throwing and catching the ball while standing with his therapist. He did pretty well! The times he didn’t catch the ball, he had to bend down and pick it up. He looked good, and fairly balanced, most of the time. It was good to see. He is still working on walking and more strengthening and stabilizing activities. His therapist videotaped him walking last week, to compare the walk she taped back in June. He walked with a four pronged cane and also a single point cane…and didn’t do too bad! At home we are still using the walker, which probably gives him more stability that he really needs, but it’s safer for now. I’m sure we’ll be working up to that four pronged cane at home soon. Matt told me the other day that he’s really been putting in extra effort. That when he first came home from Omaha, he felt a little bit like his progress has stalled out. However, he didn’t let the negativity keep him down for long…he said ‘screw it…I want to walk again!’…and has been working even harder since. You should never doubt how hard he works. Even when he goes through down spells…he never lets it keep him down. He always busts his butt…always.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Carrie Anne - The Beginning of the Story

So, I’ve been trying to sort out how to start this story. It’s been difficult to articulate. Difficult to pick which details to share, and which to hold close. But it’s a story too good, too beautiful, not to share – so here goes! When Matt and I first became parents, we thought our family was complete. We envisioned raising Ethan surrounded by loving friends and family – just the two of us. Given all that we had gone through to finally become parents, we felt content with just the one child. The most adorable boy in the whole wide world. Our Ethan was the apple of our eyes – the most amazing gift. We marveled at all of his accomplishments, soaked up all his love and personality, and celebrated the joy of parenthood at every exhausting, wonderful turn. Along the way, we’ve built a strong and loving relationship with Ethan’s birthmother. We visit yearly, and stay in close contact with pictures, emails, and texts. I have attempted to describe my feelings for her many times over the co…

Carrie - The Wait and the Big Arrival!

We arrived in Florida midday Saturday and made our way to the hospital where we met up with Ethan’s birthmother and her mother. We spent a long afternoon in the waiting room while the doctors and nurses put L through a myriad of tests. Finally, they verified the need to induce labor and proceeded to admit her to the hospital with plans to start the induction process Sunday. Exhausted, we left to check in at the hotel and ate what we thought may be our last supper before the baby came…but…. Sunday we arrived at the hospital mid-morning to see how things were progressing. The nurses gave L a medication to help start the dilation process around 12:30 PM…and told us it would likely take 12 hours for things to progress. We stepped out to enjoy the Florida sunshine for lunch for a bit, then settled in for the long haul at the hospital. We spent all afternoon, evening, and night together – holding watch over L as she slept. As we sat there, listening to the baby’s heart beating on the monit…

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…