Skip to main content

Tuesday Update: 10/10/06

Well, yesterday was another long day spent in Iowa City. We went for Matt’s 6th cerebral angiogram. It was another early morning (on the road by 5:15), another long day of laying around (6 hours flat on his back AFTER the 2 hour procedure), and another day full of questions. The doctors were backed up all day long with several emergency procedures, so we didn’t get to visit with ours until we were ready to walk out the door at about 4:00. He said that the tiny vessels which remained after the embolization are still there. We were hoping and praying that they had closed themselves off over time, as this is a possibility that he has seen occur quite frequently…but not in Matt’s case, naturally. The doctor admitted that he was too busy yesterday with the barrage of emergency procedures to really spend enough time looking over the films and analyzing them. So, he’s going to spend some time this week reviewing them and they will call to let us know what their thoughts for treatment are. At this point, he thinks that Matt have had both an AVM and an AVF…or maybe it was an AVM from the beginning, but now it looks more like an AVM than it did before they did the embolization. He’s not quite sure. He wants to spend more time looking at it. So, we’re a little bit in limbo on that for now…

It’s just so frustrating, because it seems like nothing can EVER be easy in this situation. Nothing is ever absolute, finished, or resolved. It is a never ending battle of the unknowns…and it drives us both crazy. I keep having to remind myself, and Matt, of all the good things that have come our way…of all the blessings that God has showered us with. I just wish he would shower us with some definite healing so we can move forward and put some of these things behind us for good. It feels like you’re working so hard for an outcome that is never going to come…much like a hamster on a wheel, just spinning around and around and never really getting anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the many, many ways God shows us his presence and love…and I am so moved by Matt’s courage and determination to keep going forward…but it would just be so great to have another milestone to pass, to have one of the many obstacles in our way moved aside. I guess we just keep plugging away…whether it’s pushing forward, heads held high with triumph in our steps…or sluggishly trudging along, the weight of our burdens slowing us down.

Forward IS forward and I know that one way or another we will make progress on our journey. I just keep praying for the strength, trust, and understanding necessary to make it through in one piece. Please continue to keep us both close in your thoughts and prayers…we need them now as always…and we are so thankful for them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Was Born in a Small Town

So we’ve decided to move. We love Ankeny, our house, and our neighborhood so it’s a little bittersweet to think about moving, but ever since Ethan came along - oh how things have changed. When we set out to build a wheelchair friendly house for Matt nearly 9 years ago, we were mainly focused on the functionality inside the house. While of course we wanted the ease and function of zero grade entry, we also yearned for the freedom he would know in a house with wider doorways and room to maneuver the bulky chair. In our old house there were literally rooms he never went into, simply because he couldn’t get through. Our Ankeny home was a dream come true in so many ways. And it was lovingly planned out and put together by so many incredibly generous and thoughtful people. We were humbled time and time again with how things came together for us in that house. I’ll never forget coming home for the first time with Matt after our long, exhausting trip back from China. It was late, we were jet …

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…