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Tuesday Update: 10/10/06

Well, yesterday was another long day spent in Iowa City. We went for Matt’s 6th cerebral angiogram. It was another early morning (on the road by 5:15), another long day of laying around (6 hours flat on his back AFTER the 2 hour procedure), and another day full of questions. The doctors were backed up all day long with several emergency procedures, so we didn’t get to visit with ours until we were ready to walk out the door at about 4:00. He said that the tiny vessels which remained after the embolization are still there. We were hoping and praying that they had closed themselves off over time, as this is a possibility that he has seen occur quite frequently…but not in Matt’s case, naturally. The doctor admitted that he was too busy yesterday with the barrage of emergency procedures to really spend enough time looking over the films and analyzing them. So, he’s going to spend some time this week reviewing them and they will call to let us know what their thoughts for treatment are. At this point, he thinks that Matt have had both an AVM and an AVF…or maybe it was an AVM from the beginning, but now it looks more like an AVM than it did before they did the embolization. He’s not quite sure. He wants to spend more time looking at it. So, we’re a little bit in limbo on that for now…

It’s just so frustrating, because it seems like nothing can EVER be easy in this situation. Nothing is ever absolute, finished, or resolved. It is a never ending battle of the unknowns…and it drives us both crazy. I keep having to remind myself, and Matt, of all the good things that have come our way…of all the blessings that God has showered us with. I just wish he would shower us with some definite healing so we can move forward and put some of these things behind us for good. It feels like you’re working so hard for an outcome that is never going to come…much like a hamster on a wheel, just spinning around and around and never really getting anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the many, many ways God shows us his presence and love…and I am so moved by Matt’s courage and determination to keep going forward…but it would just be so great to have another milestone to pass, to have one of the many obstacles in our way moved aside. I guess we just keep plugging away…whether it’s pushing forward, heads held high with triumph in our steps…or sluggishly trudging along, the weight of our burdens slowing us down.

Forward IS forward and I know that one way or another we will make progress on our journey. I just keep praying for the strength, trust, and understanding necessary to make it through in one piece. Please continue to keep us both close in your thoughts and prayers…we need them now as always…and we are so thankful for them.

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