Skip to main content
Today I am bummed…depressed…distraught. This stupid weather we’ve been having here in Iowa is just disgusting!!! We had days where the weather was in the 70’s, and now we’re lucky if we hit 40…and today it is actually snowing. SNOWING! Disgusting. Now, I realize that it would be highly unusual for it to be in the 70’s this early in the spring…but come on, 30’s!?!! Bring on the 50’s for crying out loud!! And the SUNSHINE!!! All my pour little flowers are wilting…all my early spring excitement has been replaced with frustration and worry that all my plants are going to look like crud. Grumble, grumble.
Yesterday I had the highly enjoyable task of running errands in the pouring rain. What was supposed to be a somewhat momentous, emotional errand turned into one of aggravation. Here’s the deal; all this time we’ve had temporary handicapped parking stickers for the cars. They expire after 6 months, and we’d renew them. Well, this time we decided to bite the bullet and get the permanent ones. Reading through the requirements for a permanent sticker, we realized that even as Matt’s walking improves, he will likely always need to park close…so we made the decision to get the permanent ones, even though neither of us is particularly fond of that term. In order to get the placard, you need a doctor’s note. So, I went to the doctor’s office to pick it up…in the rain. I got back to the car and read through the note. Words like disability, impairments, blah, blah, blah…I just hate them. I shoved the letter in my purse, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. As I drove to the DMV, I thought of what those words mean and how much I hate that they are a reality in our lives. I resist them…in some ways, I probably deny them. They are just such ugly, black words to me. I just want everyone to see Matt as I do…the warm, funny, loveable lug that he is. Not that he is in a wheelchair, or that he has a tremor, or that he wears a patch over one eye…to see past that and just know how outstanding he is as a person. As I ran across the wet parking lot to the DMV, I felt a load of sadness wash over me. I didn’t want to have to acknowledge that physical impairments of one degree or another will probably always be a part of our life. As it turns out, the department which handles these placards closes at 4:30…and I walked in about 4:31. The oh-so-friendly person at the desk informed me that they were closed and couldn’t help me. But the people at the drivers license station next door could if I wanted to step over there…where the line circled way out into the hallway. I said I’d come back another time. Angrily, I made my way back to the car in the rain…fuming at the fact that I’d have to return another day to complete the transaction I was dreading. Looking back now, though…I wonder if it didn’t work out nicely that instead of focusing on the sad factor, I could just get peeved at the DMV people and forget about my mission…even if temporarily. Either way, the feeling of grief has subsided…and for that I am grateful. Its just a minor event in the journey and I refuse to dwell on it, or read more into it than what it is.
In other news…we had a wonderful weekend. Friday night after returning from another session in Panora, we celebrated my sister’s birthday. We went out to dinner and had a great time! Back to our house for cake and conversation. We always have fun with Hope and Chad!!

Sunday we headed over to my Grandma’s house after church for our traditional Easter celebration. We enjoyed a wonderful meal, tons of yummy desserts, and lots of good conversation. It is always bittersweet having family get togethers without my parents, but we did have a good time. It was also our last family get together at Grandma’s house. She is moving to an apartment and will be selling her house. I completely understand all the reasons why it makes sense for her to do it; selfishly, I am sad to see her leave her home. It is the home that she and Grandpa moved to from the farm when I was about 12 or 13. All my most vivid memories of my Grandparents are at this house, and the last memories of my Grandpa. It will be strange to see the house empty, and to see their furniture scattered to different households. I am happy for her, it will be a great move for her…I am just a little sad for her to leave that house. I know that the house is only a house though, and we will no doubt make many new family memories at the new place.



Meanwhile, things are moving along with our house plans as well. We are close to finalizing the plans (should have them completed by Monday), and the builder is sending everything out to bid this week. Next week, we will likely meet up with him to drive through and look at some lots. He is working on finding just the right lot for us, for the best price, location, and investment…which is great! We will be finalizing our financing in the next week or so as well. Hopefully, we will have things nailed down and be ready to start in the next month. There are lots of good things to look forward to there!
Matt has been experimenting with his contacts recently too. We’ve been putting the patch on, instead of wearing tape on one lens of his glasses. So then he can put in a contact in the exposed eye and even wear his sunglasses when he wants to! He’s hoping that by switching the patch back and forth throughout the day, that his eyes will both be strengthened. We got to Iowa City next Monday to meet with the eye doctors, so we’ll see what they think about things. I hope they are ready to go ahead with another surgery…and I just pray for the best results possible. Please be thinking of us on Monday.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…