Skip to main content

Tuesday Update: 04/17/07

I broke down a little tonight, while fixing supper. It had been a little while, so I guess I was due. I was just feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with things. Things have slowed down with our house plans…slowed way down. The builder told us that things would take time to get going, that the planning phase can be lengthy, but I don’t really think I knew it would be like this. It seems to take 2 weeks to even get a chance to talk to him. Originally we had thought we’d be looking at lots with him this week, but his schedule has booked up and now it looks like next week is the earliest we can meet up. I hate to complain…I don’t want to seem ungrateful…but it is so hard to continue to be patient. I’m not sure he, or anyone for that matter, truly understands how hard it is to keep up this pace. I find myself running around nearly all the time. I have very little breathing room between work, Matt’s therapy schedule, his needs, and all my many responsibilities at home. The dogs, the housework, the bills, the cat and his stinking litter, maintenance on the cars, the house, the yard…whatever. It all falls on my shoulders. And I’m not saying that for pity, or because I want someone to help me…because there is no helping me. These are my burdens…this is the way it is. But, when we first decided to build a house, we both began to realize all the many ways we could both benefit from this change. There are so many ways that our burdens will be lightened…I can’t even tell you. Just know that it will be significant…life-changing. And we both need this change. For a while I think we both ran on impulse; we were in autopilot. Just shifting through the gears and handling each phase, crisis, or event in stride. You’d be amazed at how long you can do that…and then one day, the gas runs out. The wind calms and your sails deflate…and then you have to dig really deep to find your motivation, your fuel to keep going. For me, it was knowing that soon we’d be living in a house where responsibilities could once again be shared, where Matt would enjoy freedom and more independence, where I wouldn’t be needed so much for things, where I could more easily maintain things. All of these little burdens have over time piled upon each other to a nearly insurmountable summit; sometimes leaving me incredibly frustrated and exhausted. Just knowing that soon many of those burdens would be relieved was huge to me…is huge to me. I just feel like it is taking so much longer than I had expected, and now I’m having to dig deep for that motivation. I know that one day, when we look back we’ll say how it was all worth it. That we are going to have a much better house, and all our needs will be met…but it is hard, right now, to look ahead and see that day. I just pray for the patience, endurance, and strength to press on.

Yesterday we traveled to Iowa City for a check up with the eye doctors. After much poking, prodding, and discussing we have decided to try another surgery. It will be similar to the first one, tweaking the muscles they originally worked on to try and realign Matt’s eyes better. We have this surgery scheduled for June 19th. While Matt isn’t looking forward to going through another procedure, he is hoping that the results will get him where he wants to be. It would be a huge milestone for him, that’s for sure. In the meantime, he continues to wear the patch with his glasses and contacts. While it’s not ideal, he does like it better than the glasses with tape.

Everything else is pretty much status quo…he continues to work hard in therapy, enjoys his weekly ride out at Timbercreek, and is looking forward to the summer and some fun trips we’ve got planned…as well as spending time relaxing at home…something he missed a lot of last summer!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Carrie Anne - The Beginning of the Story

So, I’ve been trying to sort out how to start this story. It’s been difficult to articulate. Difficult to pick which details to share, and which to hold close. But it’s a story too good, too beautiful, not to share – so here goes! When Matt and I first became parents, we thought our family was complete. We envisioned raising Ethan surrounded by loving friends and family – just the two of us. Given all that we had gone through to finally become parents, we felt content with just the one child. The most adorable boy in the whole wide world. Our Ethan was the apple of our eyes – the most amazing gift. We marveled at all of his accomplishments, soaked up all his love and personality, and celebrated the joy of parenthood at every exhausting, wonderful turn. Along the way, we’ve built a strong and loving relationship with Ethan’s birthmother. We visit yearly, and stay in close contact with pictures, emails, and texts. I have attempted to describe my feelings for her many times over the
1 comment
Read more

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.   It was a warm
4 comments
Read more

WE'RE ADOPTING!!

Bah! I said it…er wrote it…out loud. There it is, in black and white for the world to see. (Pause for a drink and a breath) Matt and I are in the very early stages of planning to adopt. We have had a few meetings with an adoption agency, we are gathering the necessary information, and we are making plans to get this ball officially rolling SOON. It has been a very long and winding road to get us to this point, and honestly I never thought we’d get here. Adoption isn’t what we started out hoping for. It isn’t where we thought we’d end up. But here we are – gearing up for what will surely be a life-changing experience for us with hearts full of hope and excitement. The topic of adoption has come up in the past, but we quickly dismissed it for one reason or another. Matt and I have had our fair share of insecurities about whether or not adoption would be a good option for us. Who would look at our family profile and pick us?? It was a burning question that we probably still have
5 comments
Read more