Skip to main content

Monday Update: 1/5/09

Matt and I went and saw the movie Yes Man this weekend. It was a good movie; funny, and full of Jim Carrey as his goofy best-ness, but at the end of the movie I was left thinking huh…there might actually have been a moral to the story! In the movie, Carrey’s character is forced to say yes to every opportunity that comes his way, in an effort to open him up to new things and experience life in a whole new way. While obviously you simply can’t say yes to everything…there is something to be said for saying yes, when you might otherwise just say no. I know I am completely guilty of this – especially these past few years. For the past 3 years I have been pretty well focused on Matt. What Matt needed. Where Matt needed to go. How Matt was doing. What can we do more for Matt…as well as trying to juggle and balance work and running our household. I let a lot of other things slip; my own personal health, relationships…and yeah, opportunities passed me by. I think I was so focused on my own little world and what was needed of me there that I couldn’t lift my attention to other things out there on the horizon. At times I was so busy just getting through the needs of the day I couldn’t be bothered with the idea of anything else. And honestly, I think that’s probably how it had to be…then. Now, I feel like it is time to shift my focus a little bit and get back to remembering who I am in the picture…what I like to do…what I want to try. Not that I want to be selfish and put Matt on the back burner…but I think it’s time for me to have more balance in my life. Matt is fine…he’s better than fine, actually. When I think back to where we were that first Christmas after his stroke…it just simply blows me away. He is doing great. Yeah, he struggles with things from time to time, and everything he does is still a lot of work. But being in our house makes it all so much easier for him, and really just makes the living of our life that much more enjoyable. So I’ve been trying to focus more on the areas in my own life which needed attention…and it feels great. Matt is there to support ME…and that feels great too!
A few months ago I was approached to serve on a board at our church. I thought long and hard about whether or not I was willing to put myself out there and commit to being responsible to the church in a formal capacity. I know that a few months earlier, I would have shied away from the role. And a few months before that I would have flat-out said no. But this time I paused, considered, and ultimately decided to say YES! I decided I wanted to open myself up to this opportunity. I want to welcome new people into my life and get to know others in a more meaningful way. I don’t want to be the person who comes up with excuses why she can’t do things, go places etc. While there are inevitably things that we can’t do together, because of Matt’s limitations, I don’t want them to completely hold us back from experiencing more. And I want to say Yes to more things. I know Matt is still hesitant to put himself out there sometimes, and with good reason, but I’m glad for the experiences we’ve had together the past year and am definitely looking forward to having more in the future! YES I AM!!! (My apologies for the cheese factor.)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Carrie Anne - The Beginning of the Story

So, I’ve been trying to sort out how to start this story. It’s been difficult to articulate. Difficult to pick which details to share, and which to hold close. But it’s a story too good, too beautiful, not to share – so here goes! When Matt and I first became parents, we thought our family was complete. We envisioned raising Ethan surrounded by loving friends and family – just the two of us. Given all that we had gone through to finally become parents, we felt content with just the one child. The most adorable boy in the whole wide world. Our Ethan was the apple of our eyes – the most amazing gift. We marveled at all of his accomplishments, soaked up all his love and personality, and celebrated the joy of parenthood at every exhausting, wonderful turn. Along the way, we’ve built a strong and loving relationship with Ethan’s birthmother. We visit yearly, and stay in close contact with pictures, emails, and texts. I have attempted to describe my feelings for her many times over the co…

Carrie - The Wait and the Big Arrival!

We arrived in Florida midday Saturday and made our way to the hospital where we met up with Ethan’s birthmother and her mother. We spent a long afternoon in the waiting room while the doctors and nurses put L through a myriad of tests. Finally, they verified the need to induce labor and proceeded to admit her to the hospital with plans to start the induction process Sunday. Exhausted, we left to check in at the hotel and ate what we thought may be our last supper before the baby came…but…. Sunday we arrived at the hospital mid-morning to see how things were progressing. The nurses gave L a medication to help start the dilation process around 12:30 PM…and told us it would likely take 12 hours for things to progress. We stepped out to enjoy the Florida sunshine for lunch for a bit, then settled in for the long haul at the hospital. We spent all afternoon, evening, and night together – holding watch over L as she slept. As we sat there, listening to the baby’s heart beating on the monit…

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…