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Blue September…or is it?

September is upon us yet again. While I’m amazed that the summer has flown by, and I’m yearning for the cool, lovely days of fall, I am also finding myself flooded with memories of THAT September. It’s weird…the past few years the 14th has come and gone with little fan fare, but this year I find myself a little more emotional. Perhaps it’s because this is the 5th anniversary, or perhaps it was just time I broke down a little. It’s hard to say.
I found myself sitting at the intersection near my work and the hospital on a cool, sunny day last week and waited as an ambulance came waling by on its way to the ER. I felt like I might throw up. The memory of my own ambulance trip to that very hospital closed in unexpectedly fast. Matt and I talked about it later that night…the fact that I was finding myself a little more emotional as we approached this year’s anniversary. I think in years past I might have been sad thinking of the loss we suffered…thinking of the life that was forever altered…wishing it had never happened. But this year, while there are still small pangs of those feelings, what I’m feeling most are the emotions I felt THAT day. Reliving moments of fear, uncertainty, disbelief, and horror. We both talked through what we remember about it…and it’s amazing and terrifying to hear Matt recall how he felt just prior to losing consciousness. How he tried to call me, but he started to lose his vision and couldn’t fumble out the numbers. He knew he was in trouble…and I wasn’t there. It’s a terrible feeling. But we both decided, as we usually do, that we just didn’t want to dwell on that feeling. I know I’ve been traumatized by what I’ve been through…by the scene that enfolded in front of me as I walked into my living room that day. I know that I’ll never fully put that behind me. But I’m thankful for the peace God has given me over the years; the steady ways in which He has amply provided for us; the amazing outpouring of love and support that can only be a result of His perfect plan for our lives. In all things we have been truly blessed…even in the midst of this terrible thing which happened to us.
I have no doubt we are where we are supposed to be…that we have come to this place in our lives by no small chance of fate...that I truly was meant to be Matt’s wife and he my husband…and that together we would endure this would-be tragedy and move forward in His light and grace. God has touched my life, in a very real and personal way. I am forever changed by it. We both are. And it seems silly to let this looming anniversary keep us down. So…we decided to mark this 5th anniversary with a party…we’ll be celebrating life and friendship and all the things we have to be thankful for! I mean, why not?? We have so much…SO much to be thankful for, including the circle of friends we’ve made AFTER the dreaded 14th of September. It seemed like the perfect time for a little celebration! And so – that’s what we’ll do!!

Comments

Emily said…
Do you ever listen to Third Day? "Cry Out to Jesus" hit me hard today with the reminder of how many around us are in such deep pain and don't know where they can turn or that God is with them even in their brokenness...praise the Lord, you do.

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

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