Karwoski Life

I’ve been thinking a lot…a lot about Ethan’s birth mother. I’ve been trying to formulate some thoughts to try and articulate how I’ve been feeling about her…so here we go. First of all – adoption is complicated. The relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents is complicated. When we first started talking about adoption, I’ll admit I had real mixed emotions about how this relationship would evolve. Just the term birth mother made me somewhat uncomfortable. The idea that my child could have another family out there who he could have a relationship with over time, made me nervous and insecure. I read other adoption stories where the adoptive parents described their open adoptions with a level of emotion I found – well, rather fake. I just couldn’t fathom it. Really? For real? It was easy to just focus on my dream of being a mother and look past the woman who would make me one. And then it happened to us. Meeting Ethan’s birth mother was a nerve wracking experience, to say ...

Fifteen years ago I was a happy, carefree 24 year old who boldly and confidently just figured I’d have a baby. If only I had known then that in the summer of 2015, when I was rounding out the last of my 30’s, I would finally know the wonder of motherhood. It is so much different and so much better than anything my silly, immature 20-something brain could have dreamed up. I feel full of love for this child, for his birth mother, and for the Father above who brought us together. I know without a doubt that this tiny baby was meant for us – that God was weaving his  life together with ours while he was still being knit together in his birth mother’s womb. He knew we’d have a son and that his name would be Ethan. He knew that he would need us. He knew that his birth mother would read our story and be touched. He knew that she would see all the love surrounding us and visualize this baby in our arms. He knew that we would love him unconditionally. He knew…he knew… In the months when ...

Today Ethan is 3 weeks old. Three weeks since we received the call that would change everything.  I still find myself looking down at this tiny head nestled on my chest and wondering if this could actually be real. I hear myself talking to him and referring to myself as Mommy and it feels…fake somehow. I keep expecting this to be a temporary visit, like all the other children we’ve cared for off and on over the years. As the stacks of baby gifts begin to accumulate and the well wishes keep pouring in, I think it’s maybe starting to sink in. This.is.MY.baby. It’s so crazy, you guys! CRAZY! Our last few days in Florida the anticipation of life back in Iowa was almost unbearable. Our families and friends waiting to meet sweet Ethan could hardly stand the wait any longer. To try and pass the time, we ventured out to a local seafood restaurant on the banks of the Pithlachascotee River where we enjoyed local fresh food and great views. Matt and I spent a few hours at the pool our la...