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Finally...

Fifteen years ago I was a happy, carefree 24 year old who boldly and confidently just figured I’d have a baby. If only I had known then that in the summer of 2015, when I was rounding out the last of my 30’s, I would finally know the wonder of motherhood. It is so much different and so much better than anything my silly, immature 20-something brain could have dreamed up. I feel full of love for this child, for his birth mother, and for the Father above who brought us together. I know without a doubt that this tiny baby was meant for us – that God was weaving his life together with ours while he was still being knit together in his birth mother’s womb. He knew we’d have a son and that his name would be Ethan. He knew that he would need us. He knew that his birth mother would read our story and be touched. He knew that she would see all the love surrounding us and visualize this baby in our arms. He knew that we would love him unconditionally. He knew…he knew…
In the months when we heard no after no – it was easy to become discouraged. To question whether or not this dream would ever come true. To wonder if we were pushing for something that just wasn’t meant to be. But now? Looking at this sweet baby, I have absolutely no doubt that he was meant to be. That our little family of three was meant to be. And that feels- amazing. I am humbled. I am ashamed at myself for feeling doubtful. I am so incredibly grateful. I am overwhelmed with how much I love this baby already. I am just so glad we kept going – that we said yes – that we waited – and that God provided this amazing child.

I don’t feel worthy of this gift. I’m not sure I’ll ever comprehend it. But I’m going to do my very best for Ethan. He will know how much he’s loved and how long we waited for him. All the loss, all the sadness along the way seemed to melt when he was placed in my arms. I was…I am…finally a mother.

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