This week has been a bit emotional for me, for various reasons. I think I’m just so ready for Matt to come home and for us to be together again. It’s been so hard to be apart, and it seems to be getting harder all the time. I think the fact that we’re coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Matt’s hemorrhage is weighing on my mind. It seems like we spent each day, week, and month after September moving farther and farther away from the ugliness of that horrible time in our lives…putting it behind us and moving on, which was good. Now, as we approach the anniversary, it’s bringing up all kinds of memories and emotions that I would just assume forget. I’m sure it will be better as we move past the anniversary and put more time between us and that infamous date, but I suspect the approach of September will always stir things up deep inside. I just hope that with each passing year, the feelings are less and less intense.
Of course, I also made the mistake of watching parts of our wedding/pre-wedding video this week and that really got to me. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions…not just seeing Matt, but also the other places and people in the video. The pre-wedding stuff touches me the most. My parents, playing with the video camera; my dog Lucy; my house, to this day when I have dreams about my family, they still take place in that house; my Grandma painting her toenails on the deck; Matt, Dad, and our friend Shawn cleaning out the Blazer we were taking on our honeymoon. Just observing the natural closeness between my family and Matt…it was so moving to me. Here we are getting ready to begin our life together and it’s as though we are already an old married couple. Our friends and families are already so intertwined. At the rehearsal dinner, Matt plays with the new video camera zooming in on our friends as they eat, all you can hear is the low chatter of the group and Matt giggling behind the camera. It is so very Matt to play with the camera! As he pans around the table I just smile looking at all these people who we love so much. Our parents, our sisters, our friends, our Pastor and his wife…it is a room filled with laughter and love. At the reception everyone mingles, laughing and talking. At the time, I was so consumed with the wedding, and starting my life with Matt that I don’t know how much attention I paid to those who were there to support us and participate in our big day. I don’t know if I really realized how blessed we were with so many loving people, celebrating us as we committed ourselves to each other. Observing it now, years later, it is so precious to me to watch. I realize now how special those relationships are…all those friends that were there for our wedding and are still in our lives…they are all so dear to us.
But, I’ll admit that seeing Matt walking around…and hearing his voice…really got to me. Sometimes I really just miss him and the way things were. I do feel selfish for admitting it, because I know he is constantly thinking about it too. Matt has managed to stay so positive and I don’t want to bring him down with tears over what we’ve lost, especially because we know that nothing is set in stone…who knows how things are going to work out in the end. We both just try to focus on all the things he has accomplished so far, and look ahead to all the things we hope he overcomes in the future. And in the meantime, we are so very thankful for each other…and many, many other blessings in our life.
As far as things in Omaha, Matt is doing well. He’s very anxious to get home, but he’s still working hard on his tasks there. He told me the other day they got him set up to work on taking apart a lawn mower engine! It’s good for him to work on the fine motor skills in a way that is MUCH more engaging to our Matt! He was pretty pleased that they (his physical and occupational therapists) got their heads together to give him an activity to work on which suited him better than some of the others. They also had him working on a model as well, which was challenging, but more fun than stringing beads! I hope we can get him set up to do some of these types of things in his therapy times back in Des Moines, as well as at home in his own garage!
He’s still working hard on his walking and talking as well. It’s hard for me to really notice the changes in his talking, because I have been able to understand him from the very beginning when no one else could…but I can see improvements through other people he interacts with. Not having to help fill in the blanks for him so much is a big improvement…and I know that he is more and more comfortable talking to people, so that is a big change as well.
Both of us are excited to catch up with the therapists here in Des Moines. It will be good to have them see where he’s at now and what to work on going forward. It’ll be good, I’m sure! Someday it will be lovely not to have daily therapies…but we are so thankful he can still participate in them, that our insurance coverage has been so great, and that he’s been blessed with so many wonderful therapists. And, of course, being able to come home each night and catch up on the day’s events together over dinner in our own home…well, I can’t think of anything better than that.
Of course, I also made the mistake of watching parts of our wedding/pre-wedding video this week and that really got to me. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions…not just seeing Matt, but also the other places and people in the video. The pre-wedding stuff touches me the most. My parents, playing with the video camera; my dog Lucy; my house, to this day when I have dreams about my family, they still take place in that house; my Grandma painting her toenails on the deck; Matt, Dad, and our friend Shawn cleaning out the Blazer we were taking on our honeymoon. Just observing the natural closeness between my family and Matt…it was so moving to me. Here we are getting ready to begin our life together and it’s as though we are already an old married couple. Our friends and families are already so intertwined. At the rehearsal dinner, Matt plays with the new video camera zooming in on our friends as they eat, all you can hear is the low chatter of the group and Matt giggling behind the camera. It is so very Matt to play with the camera! As he pans around the table I just smile looking at all these people who we love so much. Our parents, our sisters, our friends, our Pastor and his wife…it is a room filled with laughter and love. At the reception everyone mingles, laughing and talking. At the time, I was so consumed with the wedding, and starting my life with Matt that I don’t know how much attention I paid to those who were there to support us and participate in our big day. I don’t know if I really realized how blessed we were with so many loving people, celebrating us as we committed ourselves to each other. Observing it now, years later, it is so precious to me to watch. I realize now how special those relationships are…all those friends that were there for our wedding and are still in our lives…they are all so dear to us.
But, I’ll admit that seeing Matt walking around…and hearing his voice…really got to me. Sometimes I really just miss him and the way things were. I do feel selfish for admitting it, because I know he is constantly thinking about it too. Matt has managed to stay so positive and I don’t want to bring him down with tears over what we’ve lost, especially because we know that nothing is set in stone…who knows how things are going to work out in the end. We both just try to focus on all the things he has accomplished so far, and look ahead to all the things we hope he overcomes in the future. And in the meantime, we are so very thankful for each other…and many, many other blessings in our life.
As far as things in Omaha, Matt is doing well. He’s very anxious to get home, but he’s still working hard on his tasks there. He told me the other day they got him set up to work on taking apart a lawn mower engine! It’s good for him to work on the fine motor skills in a way that is MUCH more engaging to our Matt! He was pretty pleased that they (his physical and occupational therapists) got their heads together to give him an activity to work on which suited him better than some of the others. They also had him working on a model as well, which was challenging, but more fun than stringing beads! I hope we can get him set up to do some of these types of things in his therapy times back in Des Moines, as well as at home in his own garage!
He’s still working hard on his walking and talking as well. It’s hard for me to really notice the changes in his talking, because I have been able to understand him from the very beginning when no one else could…but I can see improvements through other people he interacts with. Not having to help fill in the blanks for him so much is a big improvement…and I know that he is more and more comfortable talking to people, so that is a big change as well.
Both of us are excited to catch up with the therapists here in Des Moines. It will be good to have them see where he’s at now and what to work on going forward. It’ll be good, I’m sure! Someday it will be lovely not to have daily therapies…but we are so thankful he can still participate in them, that our insurance coverage has been so great, and that he’s been blessed with so many wonderful therapists. And, of course, being able to come home each night and catch up on the day’s events together over dinner in our own home…well, I can’t think of anything better than that.
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