Skip to main content

Saturday Update: 11/11/06

I went to a bridal shower today for the fiancée of my cousin Seth. Chelsea and Seth have been together for nearly 6 years, so we are all excited they are taking the plunge. They are a young couple, full of hope and their future is wide open for them. It was strange, going to a bridal shower. I haven’t gone to one in so long…and it seems so weird to me. I think it just made me think about myself and my marriage. About how long ago it was when I was having my showers…flitting about in my pre-wedding bliss and planning all the exciting details of my ceremony, honeymoon, etc. At first, selfishly, I didn’t want to go to the shower. I didn’t want to be around all the happy people, celebrating this joyous occasion. I didn’t want to be reminded of how happy I once was…how invincible I once felt…how perfect everything seemed. I found myself feeling sad, and jealous of their youth and the newness of their life’s journey. I felt a little robbed of my happily-ever after. Then, I started feeling like I shouldn’t go to the shower. I wondered if I would be the black beacon of doom for everyone. I feared I would be the depressing reminder of how fragile life is and how the rug can so easily, and so unfairly, be pulled out from underneath you. I didn’t want to be the source of pity, or for people to feel they couldn’t relish in their happiness for this young couple just because I was there. And then I realized that even though my life’s journey hasn’t led me where I once thought it would, doesn’t mean that there aren’t things to celebrate in my own life. I realized how lucky Matt and I are to have each other…how blessed we are as a married couple to have such a loving and intimate relationship. I realized that I needed to go to this shower and celebrate the engagement of my cousin, and also to show them what true commitment is all about. Matt and I have been through unimaginable adversity. We have faced challenges that no one there can ever fully appreciate. And yet through it all, we have remained steadfast in our love for and commitment to each other. We are still each other’s best friends, soul mates, and most cherished love…and we will always be. It is my hope that Chelsea and Seth will have a wonderfully long and happy marriage. I know that there are sure to be challenges along the way, but I hope they hold on to each other and allow God to always see them through. I am glad I was there to celebrate with them today, and I hope they know how happy we truly are for them. Good luck, you two!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…