Karwoski Life

I’ve been thinking a lot…a lot about Ethan’s birth mother. I’ve been trying to formulate some thoughts to try and articulate how I’ve been feeling about her…so here we go. First of all – adoption is complicated. The relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents is complicated. When we first started talking about adoption, I’ll admit I had real mixed emotions about how this relationship would evolve. Just the term birth mother made me somewhat uncomfortable. The idea that my child could have another family out there who he could have a relationship with over time, made me nervous and insecure. I read other adoption stories where the adoptive parents described their open adoptions with a level of emotion I found – well, rather fake. I just couldn’t fathom it. Really? For real? It was easy to just focus on my dream of being a mother and look past the woman who would make me one. And then it happened to us. Meeting Ethan’s birth mother was a nerve wracking experience, to say ...

Fifteen years ago I was a happy, carefree 24 year old who boldly and confidently just figured I’d have a baby. If only I had known then that in the summer of 2015, when I was rounding out the last of my 30’s, I would finally know the wonder of motherhood. It is so much different and so much better than anything my silly, immature 20-something brain could have dreamed up. I feel full of love for this child, for his birth mother, and for the Father above who brought us together. I know without a doubt that this tiny baby was meant for us – that God was weaving his  life together with ours while he was still being knit together in his birth mother’s womb. He knew we’d have a son and that his name would be Ethan. He knew that he would need us. He knew that his birth mother would read our story and be touched. He knew that she would see all the love surrounding us and visualize this baby in our arms. He knew that we would love him unconditionally. He knew…he knew… In the months when ...

Today Ethan is 3 weeks old. Three weeks since we received the call that would change everything.  I still find myself looking down at this tiny head nestled on my chest and wondering if this could actually be real. I hear myself talking to him and referring to myself as Mommy and it feels…fake somehow. I keep expecting this to be a temporary visit, like all the other children we’ve cared for off and on over the years. As the stacks of baby gifts begin to accumulate and the well wishes keep pouring in, I think it’s maybe starting to sink in. This.is.MY.baby. It’s so crazy, you guys! CRAZY! Our last few days in Florida the anticipation of life back in Iowa was almost unbearable. Our families and friends waiting to meet sweet Ethan could hardly stand the wait any longer. To try and pass the time, we ventured out to a local seafood restaurant on the banks of the Pithlachascotee River where we enjoyed local fresh food and great views. Matt and I spent a few hours at the pool our la...

Matt and I spent our first night as ‘unsupervised’ parents in our hotel room – excited and a bit anxious to figure out how things would go.   We sat looking at this precious face and pondering how much our lives were going to change. It was surreal…still is really. Nearly two weeks have passed and I still can’t believe it!  Monday my mom flew in to help us here and help us when we fly home. (Such a Godsend!) Walking to the car to drive to the airport I asked Matt if he’d like to ride in back with Ethan…’no’ he said sort of like I was crazy for asking. By the time we got to the car…’How about I ride back here’. I loaded up ‘the boys’ in the backseat and chauffeured them over to the airport. My heart was full…such amazing, precious cargo riding in the back. How did I get so lucky!?   Mom arrived and found us waiting in the baggage claim – a stunned and happy look on her face. All the anticipation and here he was…in the flesh. I’ll never forget that look. The hugs she g...

Thursday morning we woke up sort of in limbo – torn between visiting Ethan and visiting his birth mother. We called and chatted with her and decided to go up to see her first. It was the first time we had been alone with her without any adoption workers – she had a friend with her who sat quietly and let us talk. We talked about many things…the baby’s delivery, how we anticipate the openness of our relationship growing over time, her hopes for a better future for herself, and our excitement and honor to have been chosen by her for this baby. It was priceless, that time with her, and I’m so very grateful we had it. We filled out his birth certificate together – officially naming him Ethan Philip and then she urged us to go see him. We hugged out goodbyes and planned to meet up later when she was discharged. Making our way to see the baby we were hopeful and excited. Everything with his birth mother seemed on track for a positive adoption. We couldn’t wait to get there! When we arri...

It was 4:26 AM Tuesday, August 11 th that our lives changed forever. I sprung to my feet to run to the office to answer my ringing phone. I could see the call was from our birthmother. The voice on the other end of the line was frantic, scared, pleading with me to hurry and come quick. Her water had broke and she was in labor. Time stood still. She asked me to call the agency and let them know. 10 minutes later she called again…’Hang on’…muffled voices, breathing, commotion…and the tiny crying of a newborn baby. ‘Is that him, I whispered?’ unsure if she could hear me. She was crying…’he’s ok…come as soon as you can’ I did my best to assure her we would be there as soon as possible and we hung up. I didn’t know what to do first. I was running in circles going between the baby’s room, our room, the kitchen…calling our parents. Trying to sit down to figure out a flight. Trying to pack…brush my teeth. And the tears were flowing…I have never longed to be somewhere as desperately as...

The BIG Move! I really, really do! So the last two weeks have been a bit…strike that…TOTALLY nutso! Up until a day or so I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going, to be honest! Two Fridays ago my sister and I drove to Oklahoma to help our parents load up the last of their stuff and make the big journey back to their new home just down the road in IOWA! It was hot, dirty, and full of memories I’ll cherish forever. Not a lot of ‘kids’ my age get to have these special times with their parents and while it was a ton of hard work - it was allllll worth it! The afternoon we arrived back home, we were expecting a FaceTime call with the social worker and our birth mother after her doctor’s appointment. We busied ourselves around the house, waiting for the call, and decided to put the pack and play together – our first baby assembly project! (And it was successful, without much drama – SHOCKING!) To our surprise, the social worker ended up FaceTiming us FROM the doctor’s appointment! O...