Karwoski Life

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this crazy dream of ours to have a family. (Weird, I know.) Last week, we talked a lot about things, after our first (and now second) official nos. I was feeling defeated…frustrated…and wondered if I was pushing for something that just wasn’t meant to be. Recently we had a little t-shirt fundraiser for our adoption…and raised over $550! We had loving support from friends and family that was completely unexpected - it meant SO much to us. The t-shirt design says ‘Dare the Impossible’…which can be interpreted in any number of ways; to dare to reach for what seems impossible, to dare believe that the impossible IS possible, to trust that daring is worth doing.  For us – for me - the significance of this shirt means all the more to me now.  I have to admit - I feel like I’ve been half in with this whole adoption thing. I found myself praying for God to work out the details and trying to trust Him, but guarding my heart at the same time ...

We had our first ‘official’ no this week. It’s a strange feeling – knowing that someone is looking at our profile information, reading our words, pouring over our pictures, analyzing the details and trying to decide if they think WE could parent their unborn child. While we may have been presented to several birth families through our initial agency, we were never told about it. They like to prevent the heartache of knowing you’ve received a ‘no’ and only contact you if you’ve got a birth family seriously looking to choose you. It has its pros and cons. Signing up with the adoption consultant, I knew we’d have more involvement in the process. We are actually provided details of situations and decide IF we want to be presented. Then we actually know they are looking. I was looking forward to this ‘knowing’. But last week, as we waited, wondering, praying, hoping that they see some sort of connection and decide we are the ones I was torn about how I felt about the ‘knowing’. All...

Last weekend Matt and I were able to spend the long holiday weekend with my parents in Oklahoma. We enjoyed long, lazy days watching football, dining on wonderful homemade food, shopping around town, putting up Christmas decorations and just spending quality time together. Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's has become a family tradition over the past few years and one that I treasure. I simply love everything about the weekend; putting on aprons and helping Mom in the kitchen, setting a pretty table, watching Dad carve the turkey, helping Mom decorate her Christmas tree, and helping Dad put up Christmas lights, watching football, football, football, eating leftovers, and exploring the Atwoods store for goodies. No matter how old I get - it's like I'm a kid again! This year, two of my dearest friends' fathers have struggled with life altering and debilitating illnesses. My heart aches for them as they watch their fathers weaken and watch their mothers take on new roles...

Last week Matt and I hired an adoption consultant to help us in our adoption journey. We had been feeling that our exposure to potential birth families was pretty narrow (just central Iowa) and since we are a unique situation we started to worry that it may take a good long while to be chosen.  We weren't really looking to change our approach, it just sort of landed in our laps through a friend of a friend. I can't help but think it was God working out more of the details for us.  This adoption consultant will help get us more exposure to potential birth families in various locations throughout the US. While this will hopefully speed up the process, it will increase our costs...quite a bit. We have raised enough to cover the costs of an adoption through our original agency - however these other agencies have higher fees and we'll also need to incorporate travel expenses into the equation. Things we hadn't contemplated before. We have been praying and thinking this over....

Happy November! It's hard to believe that October has come and gone and here we are on the edge of the holiday season. Good grief! Life has been busy and good and really I should focus on that but today, I am feeling a bit... impatient. It's been nearly 6 months since we were officially approved to adopt and while a lot has happened to keep us busy and help pass the time - I can't help but feel the itch to know WHEN will our dream finally come true? Every family I know who has gone through an adoption journey ended up with a child at some point. None of them gave up and walked away childless. However, somewhere deep down inside, I still carry a little fear that we will. As the waiting family profiles pile up on the website I can't help from checking out the 'competition'...and isn't it terrible to view them as such? It is, I know...but I can't help trying to rationalize how someone might choose us over another. I find myself compartmentalizing the othe...

Yesterday - September 14th - marked the 9th anniversary of Matt's stroke. It's really hard to fathom...nine years. Of course the years fade some of the memories and it does seem like forever ago (a lifetime, really) and yet... Can it really be nine YEARS!?! It's so incredible to me that time is marching on and we find ourselves nearing the golden years of our 30's.   It's really crazy to me...and yet... I feel like our 30's have been amazing - our best years. While they have brought us unimaginable changes and challenges - they have also brought us indescribable blessings. I look back over these past 9 years and I’m amazed at how wonderful they have been – despite all we’ve endured. We have traveled to many fantastic places; we have spent countless evenings laughing through tears with loving friends; we have shared meals and holidays surrounded by the loving warmth of our families; we have exchanged heartfelt hugs with our church family; we’ve seen the birth o...

A friend of mine who has gone through infertility and adoption told me about a series of articles being published in the Des Moines Register this week – chronicling the story of a couple on their own infertility journey. I tend to avoid reading these sorts of stories, and brushed it aside for a few days. But last night, as I was waiting for Matt to finish getting ready for bed, I sat down with the iPad to check it out. Of course it brought back a great big wave of emotions, and as I grappled with them, I couldn't help but wish I hadn't read the story. Like most couples struggling with infertility their story was wrought with ups and downs, miscarriages, disappointment, heartache, self-doubt, resilience, love, fear…rinse and repeat. And, like many stories you hear about, theirs is ultimately winding up with a crazy happy ending. This is where I struggle. Where the deep recesses of my heart cry out…why.not.us? Reading the story, seeing the pictures and names of the nurses an...