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Tuesday Update: 9/27/05

The past few days have been pretty stressful…and I haven’t been much in the mood to write. We’ve been talking a lot about what our next steps will be. Medically he will not need to be hospitalized much longer. All his vitals have been good and stable so he will likely need to be discharged sometime in the next 3-5 days. This is a good thing…but he’s probably not going to be ready for the intensive therapies required at Younker Rehab. So, we have to look at an intermediate level rehab facility/program where he can continue increasing his therapy and work on his strength and endurance…at a somewhat slower pace that the more aggressive places like Younker. I’ve been trying to get all the information on the options available to us and mull it over. It’s a big, big decision. I just hope that the right path is made clear to me soon. The doctors have told me that they will need to remove his feeding tube from his nose and put one in directly into his stomach. This will be a more long-term solution and is required by all the rehab facilities. Good thing we spent allllll that time on Sunday trying to get this one reinserted, just to yank it out and put one in through his tummy. Good planning, don’t you think??!! J Maybe they didn’t realize he’d be this close to discharge so soon. Who knows? The speech pathologist says he’s not quite ready for his swallowing evaluation yet, but that he’ll be able to do better with that once he has the tube out of his nose. Then they can couple tube feedings with real food until he’s able to sustain himself on regular food alone. They were going to do this procedure today, but his white cell count was elevated and they weren’t sure why. The doctor is hesitant to perform surgery with the white count elevated, so we’re hoping that tomorrow they will be back down and we can get the tube out of his nose. This buys us a couple more days to really help get his therapies going.

The neurologist has started him on small doses of a stimulant drug to try and help him to be a little more alert. She is confident in his strength and abilities, if he could just stay awake long enough to prove it and make bigger strides in his recovery. Today was his first full day of it and I do think he’s been much more awake and alert this afternoon/evening! I hope it continues to work and helps him to get more out of his therapies. The time with the therapists yesterday and today were brief, about 20 mins or so each…but it is so good for him! He’s still been up in the chair a few times a day and does pretty well with that. In the evenings we are going to try and get him to work on some of his exercises as well, to help with his strength and to get him used to them. Then, hopefully, he’ll participate more with the therapists. I think half of the time he is just being stubborn and won’t do what they ask him out of spite and irritation. I am always the ‘enforcer’ and he will usually do better after I prompt him. At least I know I can still get him to do stuff, right!? J
Each evening I still find myself sitting here amazed that this is really happening to us. I know that I am in denial on some level. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the day I found him and the awfulness of that sight. It is an image that I’m sure will haunt me for a long time to come. I have cried countless times, missing the times we’ve spent together and just praying for more of them to come. I try to be as optimistic as I can be, and I still fully believe that he’ll be the same old Matt in a few months…but sometimes that light is very dim at the end of the tunnel. There has been so much stress and tension between us all, and understandably so…but in these times of confusion and frustration I still long to lean on Matt. I am so used to having him close by for comfort and counsel. We are so tightly bound together, that I feel sort of lost without him. I mean, I have spent nearly half of my life loving this guy…and I sometimes have a hard time functioning without him. I guess I just miss ‘us’. I think we always knew how lucky we were to have such a strong bond and such a healthy/happy marriage…but this just puts EVERYTHING in perspective for me. I am so very thankful for Matt and the life we have together. I can’t wait to get back to it. I want to also let you all know how very grateful I am for all the love, support, and prayers you have all been showering us with. I would not be able to get through this without you. I am so thankful for my loving friends, family, co-workers, and church members. You are helping more than you know. I am forever in your debt.

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