Skip to main content

Tuesday Update: 9/27/05

The past few days have been pretty stressful…and I haven’t been much in the mood to write. We’ve been talking a lot about what our next steps will be. Medically he will not need to be hospitalized much longer. All his vitals have been good and stable so he will likely need to be discharged sometime in the next 3-5 days. This is a good thing…but he’s probably not going to be ready for the intensive therapies required at Younker Rehab. So, we have to look at an intermediate level rehab facility/program where he can continue increasing his therapy and work on his strength and endurance…at a somewhat slower pace that the more aggressive places like Younker. I’ve been trying to get all the information on the options available to us and mull it over. It’s a big, big decision. I just hope that the right path is made clear to me soon. The doctors have told me that they will need to remove his feeding tube from his nose and put one in directly into his stomach. This will be a more long-term solution and is required by all the rehab facilities. Good thing we spent allllll that time on Sunday trying to get this one reinserted, just to yank it out and put one in through his tummy. Good planning, don’t you think??!! J Maybe they didn’t realize he’d be this close to discharge so soon. Who knows? The speech pathologist says he’s not quite ready for his swallowing evaluation yet, but that he’ll be able to do better with that once he has the tube out of his nose. Then they can couple tube feedings with real food until he’s able to sustain himself on regular food alone. They were going to do this procedure today, but his white cell count was elevated and they weren’t sure why. The doctor is hesitant to perform surgery with the white count elevated, so we’re hoping that tomorrow they will be back down and we can get the tube out of his nose. This buys us a couple more days to really help get his therapies going.

The neurologist has started him on small doses of a stimulant drug to try and help him to be a little more alert. She is confident in his strength and abilities, if he could just stay awake long enough to prove it and make bigger strides in his recovery. Today was his first full day of it and I do think he’s been much more awake and alert this afternoon/evening! I hope it continues to work and helps him to get more out of his therapies. The time with the therapists yesterday and today were brief, about 20 mins or so each…but it is so good for him! He’s still been up in the chair a few times a day and does pretty well with that. In the evenings we are going to try and get him to work on some of his exercises as well, to help with his strength and to get him used to them. Then, hopefully, he’ll participate more with the therapists. I think half of the time he is just being stubborn and won’t do what they ask him out of spite and irritation. I am always the ‘enforcer’ and he will usually do better after I prompt him. At least I know I can still get him to do stuff, right!? J
Each evening I still find myself sitting here amazed that this is really happening to us. I know that I am in denial on some level. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the day I found him and the awfulness of that sight. It is an image that I’m sure will haunt me for a long time to come. I have cried countless times, missing the times we’ve spent together and just praying for more of them to come. I try to be as optimistic as I can be, and I still fully believe that he’ll be the same old Matt in a few months…but sometimes that light is very dim at the end of the tunnel. There has been so much stress and tension between us all, and understandably so…but in these times of confusion and frustration I still long to lean on Matt. I am so used to having him close by for comfort and counsel. We are so tightly bound together, that I feel sort of lost without him. I mean, I have spent nearly half of my life loving this guy…and I sometimes have a hard time functioning without him. I guess I just miss ‘us’. I think we always knew how lucky we were to have such a strong bond and such a healthy/happy marriage…but this just puts EVERYTHING in perspective for me. I am so very thankful for Matt and the life we have together. I can’t wait to get back to it. I want to also let you all know how very grateful I am for all the love, support, and prayers you have all been showering us with. I would not be able to get through this without you. I am so thankful for my loving friends, family, co-workers, and church members. You are helping more than you know. I am forever in your debt.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Where We're at…Right Now

This whole adoption thing is tough stuff, friends. It is a roller coaster ride like no other. And I have to be honest – I’m still not sure this will be it for us. I want to believe it is…but I’m just.not.sure. Matt and I were on our way to church yesterday, listening to the 90’s station when the cult classic ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ came on. We both giggled…and may have turned it up a tad. Near the end we both howled out a woooo-woooo in near perfect, spontaneous, unison with dear mullet headed Billy Ray. It made me laugh instantly and I blurted out ‘we’re so perfect together’. And honestly – we are.
That thought stuck with me all morning.  We.are.perfect.together.  What we have – our marriage, our friendship, our devotion and commitment to each other….they are priceless. Our union is a blessing. It is blessed. 100% meant to be. No doubt in my mind. There is no one on this planet who could ever know me like Matt. We have been through hell and back together. In the hospital, shortly after his …

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…

Mother's Day Emotions

Mother’s Day weekend is coming and I’m finding myself all sorts of emotional – go figure. I think the anticipation of how I might feel on my very first Mother’s Day after so many years of hoping, waiting, and wondering sort of made it a bit anticlimactic. Or maybe I guarded my heart a little and didn’t fully let the magnitude of my emotions wash over me. Regardless, I find myself MUCH more emotional this time around.
Last night we watched a TV show about children growing up and moving out etc…and I actually cried. All those jerks who told me how fast children grow and how quickly the time moves…were right. Of course I feel how swiftly time moves the older I get…I blinked and now I’m in my (gulp) 40’s. But I simply could not have fathomed how I would feel about the amount of time I have to be Ethan’s mother. It feels finite. Fleeting. Just not enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ethan grow! He is learning and changing and cracking me up all the time. He loves climbing, and runn…