Skip to main content

Sunday Update: 10/2/05

Blessing for the day:
I was able to go to the grocery store. I know that doesn’t seem like much of a blessing…but for me it was. I’ve needed to go for so long now, and doing something as mundane and normal as grocery shopping felt so good. Matt’s mom was here watching a Jim Carrey marathon with him and I knew he was enjoying her company. It has been a blessing to have the support of Matt’s family and mine. I am so glad to have them all close by and able to share in the time spent with Matt.

Matt had a fairly uneventful day today. He was up in the chair for 2 hours this morning and they’ll be getting him up again this evening. It is so good for him to get up and use those muscles to support his head and shoulders.

We had a few visitors from our church today as well. It was very nice to see their smiling faces and share hugs of love and compassion. I continue to be amazed at the outpouring of love and support we’ve received. People are amazing.

Matt has been a little more emotional these past few days. I think the more aware he is of what is happening, the more upset he becomes. We are continually reassuring him that the weakness he feels now is only temporary; that his strength will return in time, but he’s going to have to work hard to get there. Sometimes I don’t know if he really believes me. I pray for that understanding and peace for him.

It has been great to see our friends and family, but I do want you all to know that if you decide to come by for a visit, it may have to be a brief one. He sometimes gets more emotional when he is around friends. I think mostly because he feels awkward and weak. (You KNOW what a ‘tough guy’ Matt can be) So, it might be best to limit the visits he gets to short little drop-ins, for now at least. I hope that once he’s moved and has more time to really get the therapy going, he’ll be feeling stronger and more encouraged. For now, the best thing that anyone can do for us is to continue to hold us up in your prayers…that is the most valuable to us now. I know I can count on that from everyone, and that continues to be a big part of what keeps me going.

I’ll admit it is often hard for me to be around our friends too. It’s not that I don’t love you, or appreciate your support…it’s just difficult sometimes to be around ‘normal’ couples. How stupid does that sound? I guess right now it’s just a painful reminder of good times that we’ve had…and those good times seem so far away now. I know I’m being selfish right now too; I can only talk about everyday stuff for so long and then it starts to feel meaningless to me and I can’t stand to talk anymore. I go back and forth between wanting to run out of here and have dinner with friends talking about ‘nothing’, and feeling like I can’t think or talk about anything else except what is going on with Matt. Please be patient with me while I work through all these emotions. Some days are better than others, that is for sure! It’s hard for me to be upbeat and positive for Matt all the time, especially when I see silent tears creeping down his cheeks. All I want to do is break down and hug him close, crying my own tears of frustration and fear. But I can’t let him see those emotions right now. I have to be strong for him…we all do. I can’t imagine the range of emotions swirling around within his head and heart. I just hope that he will trust me when I try and reassure him of his bright outlook and stay determined to get better.

Comments

Kevin said…
Hi Emily and Matt,
Praise God, Matt you are getting stronger everyday! It's good thing that you are a tough guy. :-)
Westover Baptist has been praying for you, we did today in church.
Emily, I along with Trisha,enjoyed visiting you and your family a few weeks ago.

Kevin Stewart

Popular posts from this blog

Carrie Anne - The Beginning of the Story

So, I’ve been trying to sort out how to start this story. It’s been difficult to articulate. Difficult to pick which details to share, and which to hold close. But it’s a story too good, too beautiful, not to share – so here goes! When Matt and I first became parents, we thought our family was complete. We envisioned raising Ethan surrounded by loving friends and family – just the two of us. Given all that we had gone through to finally become parents, we felt content with just the one child. The most adorable boy in the whole wide world. Our Ethan was the apple of our eyes – the most amazing gift. We marveled at all of his accomplishments, soaked up all his love and personality, and celebrated the joy of parenthood at every exhausting, wonderful turn. Along the way, we’ve built a strong and loving relationship with Ethan’s birthmother. We visit yearly, and stay in close contact with pictures, emails, and texts. I have attempted to describe my feelings for her many times over the co…

Carrie - The Wait and the Big Arrival!

We arrived in Florida midday Saturday and made our way to the hospital where we met up with Ethan’s birthmother and her mother. We spent a long afternoon in the waiting room while the doctors and nurses put L through a myriad of tests. Finally, they verified the need to induce labor and proceeded to admit her to the hospital with plans to start the induction process Sunday. Exhausted, we left to check in at the hotel and ate what we thought may be our last supper before the baby came…but…. Sunday we arrived at the hospital mid-morning to see how things were progressing. The nurses gave L a medication to help start the dilation process around 12:30 PM…and told us it would likely take 12 hours for things to progress. We stepped out to enjoy the Florida sunshine for lunch for a bit, then settled in for the long haul at the hospital. We spent all afternoon, evening, and night together – holding watch over L as she slept. As we sat there, listening to the baby’s heart beating on the monit…

I may as well tell you...

I had a miscarriage. I’ve debated for weeks whether or not to acknowledge it publicly. It’s such a personal thing…and this is such a public medium. But a few months have gone by and I’m no closer to feeling ok about it and truly nothing else on my mind really compares, so here I am, letting the world in on my secret. Over the past few weeks I’ve found very little comfort in the fact that only a small handful of people know about the miscarriage. It became nearly unbearable this week, during all our wonderful family Christmas celebrations. Being surrounded by so many people who love me and support me and have no idea how my heart has been broken – it’s a lonely place to be. Not that I would want them all to bombard me with pity or questions or sad looks in their eyes – I realize I can’t have it both ways. But a little acknowledgement goes a long way and I simply can’t ignore or deny the fact that something major happened in my life and impacted me, impacts me still.
It was a warm, sunn…