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Sunday Update: 10/2/05

Blessing for the day:
I was able to go to the grocery store. I know that doesn’t seem like much of a blessing…but for me it was. I’ve needed to go for so long now, and doing something as mundane and normal as grocery shopping felt so good. Matt’s mom was here watching a Jim Carrey marathon with him and I knew he was enjoying her company. It has been a blessing to have the support of Matt’s family and mine. I am so glad to have them all close by and able to share in the time spent with Matt.

Matt had a fairly uneventful day today. He was up in the chair for 2 hours this morning and they’ll be getting him up again this evening. It is so good for him to get up and use those muscles to support his head and shoulders.

We had a few visitors from our church today as well. It was very nice to see their smiling faces and share hugs of love and compassion. I continue to be amazed at the outpouring of love and support we’ve received. People are amazing.

Matt has been a little more emotional these past few days. I think the more aware he is of what is happening, the more upset he becomes. We are continually reassuring him that the weakness he feels now is only temporary; that his strength will return in time, but he’s going to have to work hard to get there. Sometimes I don’t know if he really believes me. I pray for that understanding and peace for him.

It has been great to see our friends and family, but I do want you all to know that if you decide to come by for a visit, it may have to be a brief one. He sometimes gets more emotional when he is around friends. I think mostly because he feels awkward and weak. (You KNOW what a ‘tough guy’ Matt can be) So, it might be best to limit the visits he gets to short little drop-ins, for now at least. I hope that once he’s moved and has more time to really get the therapy going, he’ll be feeling stronger and more encouraged. For now, the best thing that anyone can do for us is to continue to hold us up in your prayers…that is the most valuable to us now. I know I can count on that from everyone, and that continues to be a big part of what keeps me going.

I’ll admit it is often hard for me to be around our friends too. It’s not that I don’t love you, or appreciate your support…it’s just difficult sometimes to be around ‘normal’ couples. How stupid does that sound? I guess right now it’s just a painful reminder of good times that we’ve had…and those good times seem so far away now. I know I’m being selfish right now too; I can only talk about everyday stuff for so long and then it starts to feel meaningless to me and I can’t stand to talk anymore. I go back and forth between wanting to run out of here and have dinner with friends talking about ‘nothing’, and feeling like I can’t think or talk about anything else except what is going on with Matt. Please be patient with me while I work through all these emotions. Some days are better than others, that is for sure! It’s hard for me to be upbeat and positive for Matt all the time, especially when I see silent tears creeping down his cheeks. All I want to do is break down and hug him close, crying my own tears of frustration and fear. But I can’t let him see those emotions right now. I have to be strong for him…we all do. I can’t imagine the range of emotions swirling around within his head and heart. I just hope that he will trust me when I try and reassure him of his bright outlook and stay determined to get better.

Comments

Kevin said…
Hi Emily and Matt,
Praise God, Matt you are getting stronger everyday! It's good thing that you are a tough guy. :-)
Westover Baptist has been praying for you, we did today in church.
Emily, I along with Trisha,enjoyed visiting you and your family a few weeks ago.

Kevin Stewart

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